Write. You’ll feel better

This is the overall finding of my research.

As I journeyed into the trauma of my childhood, faced the dragons hiding there, and chose to accept the truth of the situation, I began to feel better.

The writing—poetry and then the academic exegesis—presented me with things I didn’t know I thought. It gave me the opportunity to creatively explore how I felt and to find where my story fit in the field of literary trauma—where I fit in my tribe.

Writing isn’t just for academics. I have always written as a way of thinking, of slowing my mind and revealing what I might be hiding from myself.

Holding a pen or touch typing—thank you to my typing teacher in the 80s who insisted we use manual typewriters and type in time to the beat of music—brings joy to my heart. I anticipate what might appear.

It isn’t always very good writing. That’s okay. Any writing is better than no writing.

But, why write?

To answer this question, I want to draw on the work of Julia Cameron, particularly her book The Artists Way (1994). Describing the practice of ‘morning pages’ where each day begins with the action of writing three pages of whatever comes to mind, she identifies how writing itself is a useful tool for knowing the self. She says

It is impossible to write morning pages for any extended period of time without coming into contact with an unexpected inner power. Although I used them for many years before I realise this, the pages are a pathway to a strong and clear sense of self (pp. 14-5).

No matter what type of writing you do, whether it is poetry, fiction, or journalling, my research has demonstrated that the action of engaging with the written word brings clarity and confidence. It also rewards the writer with a feeling of having done something meaningful and kind toward themselves.

In times such as ours, where the world has tilted and we are all thrown off-balance, being kind to ourself truly matters. And I’m not talking about the chocolate-and-Netflix-binge type of kindness. This type of thing is okay as an immediate response to exhaustion or overwhelm but it won’t serve you well in the long run. Trust me, I have tried. All it gives a person is extra weight and a mind that is numb and distant.

Cameron presents a terrific analogy that is apt for here and now. She says

Think of yourself as an accident victim walking away from the crash: your old life has crashed and burned; your new life isn’t apparent yet (p. 83).

2019 isn’t coming back.

I’m sorry if that is upsetting to read but we need to be real about this. Our lives as we knew them have changed. They have crashed and burned.

What isn’t apparent yet is what our new lives will look like. And this makes us afraid. Don’t let your fear consume you, friend.

Write it down.

Write it all down. Put it into words. No one cares about your spelling or your punctuation or your handwriting or if you have one of those amazing looking bullet journals—I tried to make my journal pretty. As you can see, I shouldn’t have bothered.

What matters is that you take some time to write what you think and feel. Then look at what you have said and say ‘Okay, so what small, small positive step can I take?’. Maybe it is just to be pleased that you wrote your thoughts down and gave yourself time to say what you needed to say.

Maybe there are some big things that aren’t easily fixed. Marriage and health come to mind. That’s okay. At least now you know how you feel about it.

Tomorrow, when you write again, you’ll know a little bit more about how you feel. And maybe, the day after that, something will show itself. A little thing to make the situation better or more bearable or at least less of the hell that it has been.

Don’t show your writing to anyone. These are your thoughts, they should be able to trust you not to go showing them off in their raw form.

I have included my latest private thoughts but only because they are fairly mundane—even a little bit cheerful!—and I want you to see just how basic my notebook is and how messy my handwriting is and how very mundane some of my thoughts are. Yesterday was a quietly pleasing day. Cake really cheers a person up!

It’s possible that your writing may lead you to other writing that you would like to show people but not these personal and private things.

Writing helps you to imagine your place in this new world. It helps you to see when you need to pull up your socks and fix your behaviour. It helps you to know when things are not as they should be. It equips you with a way forward. It presents you with a sense of self.

Write. You’ll feel better.